I am not a psychologist. Personally I believe most of our adult problems originated from our bad childhood experiences.
So if you want to change your life, trace your past and figure out how the problem got started.
For example, some people have a phobia for cats because they were scratched by a cat before.
As adults, we think that if we change the external environment, the problem will go away.
If you have an anger issue, you can be alone in the middle of the ocean, or hide in the cave. But the anger is still simmering inside you.
Have you observe that some people repeat the same pattern eg getting into relationship with bad guys, failing in business all the time, cannot get along with anyone?
No matter how they change their friends or work, the same problem repeats itsself.
I believe the cause is that your inner child was hurt and is not yet healed. The trauma is still there.
Let take one example from my life.
Since young, I have poor self-esteem. I don't enough praise for a job well done.
When I make mistakes, I get hell. Those in authorities (parents, teachers, military) are intolerant of mistakes.
If you make mistakes, you fail in the score. You get penalised. You are labelled as stupid.
I was afraid of making mistakes because the consequence is scolding, rejection and condemnation.
So the natural reaction is the fear of trying new things.
I am very reluctant to make an order on a Kiosk. I always screwed up doing something new for the first time.
Secondly, I always seek approval and validation from others. I like to please people. I find it hard to say no, to confront people and stand up for myself.
Thankfully, I was enlightened. I had a spiritual experience when I accepted God into my life.
I felt loved unconditionally and I am able to accept my flaws and myself as I am.
I may not like who I am but I am learning to love myself and to change for the better.
I am also learning to forgive the wrong I did in the past.
I am not an expert in healing the inner child. So I googled the word 'inner child'.
There are many tips online. Here are some that I found:
In summary, if you find yourself repeating the same bad behaviour, go back to its roots.
Seek a counsellor who can help you to face your issues and get emotional healing.
I wish you well.